Friday, April 15, 2011

A few food pointers

I hide food from my kids.  I have some certain delectable snacks that I am fully greedy about and don't want to share.  My reason for not sharing is simply that they will eat them all.  I know they're good, they know it tastes good; so the game begins.  It is not a game I plan to lose.  So over the years I've developed a few tricks to keep the precious spoils away from the precocious spoilers (maybe spoil-ees is more fitting).

1.  Fainting Goats. 
The fainting goats are thought to have been kept around to protect the remainder of the herd by getting eaten first.  They get excited, pass out and are wolf chow.  I love kettle cooked chips.  I've learned kids just love chips; give them the cheap-o ripple chips and reserve the kettle chips for yourself.  Ice cream.  We have a big tub of generic fudge ripple for the kids and buried in back are the chocolate pb ripple for me and the chocolate chip cookie dough for Becky.  Fainting goats.

2.  Delay. 
My family loves popcorn.  My kids devour popcorn like a poorly tuned Sherman eating gas.  I probably make popcorn 3-5 times a week.  The kids probably get 1x a week.  Generally about 10 minutes after bedtime I make popcorn.  Not the crappy microwave stuff either; I'm talking stove top with some natural flavor and complementing salt.  I just don't want to share it with those vultures who finish the bowl before I set it down and then start yipping about more butter on the next batch. 

3. Privacy. 
Other than after bedtime I've gotten fairly good at sneaking in munchies in the space beside the fridge.  Lean over the counter and read a paper or a small ad.  This provides a natural positioning where subtle movements can occur without alerting the tribe of minis that snacks are being enjoyed.  If you can manage to sneak the guilt inducing snacks into the bathroom that works also.  The door locks; privacy is almost understood; and you can manage a moment of bliss.

4.  "These aren't the droids you're looking for".
As my kids are getting better at scouring cabinets for assets they are spotting the tasty snacks and asking for them.  To avoid the traps of "what cookies? you wouldn't like them?" and "they're for later" (which induces pestering) I recommend hiding the food.  Higher shelves used to work but step stools and ninja climbing are making that tougher.  A padlock just interferes with the privacy pointer as the guards will see the cabinet open.  I've recently found that Quaker Oats are generally considered foul and will never be toyed with.  It's like kryptonite.  Therefore the canister can be utilized as an excellent treasure chest of tasty tidbits.

5.  Snack early, snack often.
Generally being the first one up and making the coffee can give me a key headstart to the snacking day.  These need to be fairly handy pop in your mouth snacks for the most effective use.  You can get 4-5 good rounds in before the natives are up and moving.

Just passing along some wisdom from the years.  Stay snacking.


  1. Also important is the type of snack you pick. My daughter seems to have Superman's sense of smell, and can detect chocolate a mile away, so don't try to sneak any of that. I can eat some at work, drive home and get "Daddy, you smell like chocolate".

  2. I sometimes hide in my bedroom. Or if it's something small I circle the downstairs always avoiding the footsteps that are trying to find where momma went.

  3. So many "5 Tips for..." blog posts are a waste of time, but this is news I can use, Dan. Thanks.

    A friend of mine told me that he grew up happily eating the gummy ice cream that comes in tubs. After leaving home he started eating Breyers as if it were a new discovery. He came home for a visit and noticed that his parents had a carton of Breyers in the freezer. "How about that!" he said. "Now that we're gone, you've started eating Breyer's too?" His parents exchanged a glance, then his dad said, "Son, we've been eating Breyers since before you were born. We just kept it hidden." Which would be Technique #1, the Fainting Goat, right?