Saturday, November 27, 2010

Adoption is battling hopeless causes

"Youth is pre-eminently the period in which a man can be lyric, fanatical, poetic; but youth is the period in which a man can be hopeless.  The end of every episode is the end of the world.  But the power of hoping through everything, the knowledge that the soul survives its adventures, that great inspiration come to the middle-aged.  God has kept that good wine until now."  - 'Charles Dickens' -Chesterton

"In the struggle for existence, it is only on those who hang on for ten minutes after all is hopeless, that hope begins to dawn." GK Chesterton

Kids are hopeless.  They have no perspective of their lives existing beyond the current crisis.  They lack the view of their soul being tried, broken, and coming out stronger on the other side.  This is why the world ends when they get the blue plate instead of the green for dinner.  Whether in the "wrong chair", stuck eating terrible food, going to bed early, losing video games, getting a bad grade, a bad comment, bullied, broken up with.  The world is on the verge of ending, until it doesn't.

We had a meeting the other night.  The Children's Aid Society (CAS)  of Mercer hosts gatherings 1x a month for adoptive/foster parents.  This month they had a panel of 3 children who had been in the system.  It was a nice Q&A session to just get information and a glimpse of how the system functions.

The first was a 10 y/o boy who had been adopted and had a few foster parents along the way.  A nice kid who had been in a few foster homes stories.  Next was a 15 y/o who broke my heart.  He was adopted at 2 months and at around 12 was place back in foster care because he was fighting with his brother.  There were some medical issues and other things going on where this ends up being slightly less heartless than it sounds.  He has a serious plan for schooling and a career.  He was respectful and struggling to find a place to feel at home.

Last on the panel was a lady who aged out of the system.  If our heart broke before for the previous kid in the system, now it broke for the ugliness of the fallen world.  "Anna" definitely was a troublesome child.  She's basically the child of a crack-ho, has seen abusive guys roll in and out of her mom's house and has some anger about that.  She's 20, working, loves kids but has none and no plans for any (terrified of being like her mother), not doing any drugs, and living on her own.  She has a plan for getting more schooling.  Considering the rough start and battles she has fought, she is doing pretty well.  She could be doing better if she hadn't made MANY things harder than they had to be.  Some poor choices but it seemed like she has a strong sense of right & wrong and won't back down; EVER.

What really jumped out to me about Anna is she still holds out hope that her parents will turnaround and show her love.  Despite no-shows as over 30 court hearings; her dad travelling 4hrs to see another screwed up sibling and not the same for her; years of lying about coming to get her soon; stealing money from her.  She had not taken the step of protecting herself and writing them out of her life.  She still reaches out to them.

"I'm drowning in a sea of despair and monkeys dressed as lifeguards are throwing me anchors." -Dilbert

They have been anchors financially and emotionally and she continues to try to reach out to them and hold hope that they will reciprocate love.  It's unconditional love on its head.

I gotta think in some way she knows their love should have been reaching out to her; not their broken promises.

So there's being hopeless in that "the world is ending" which is displayed so well by kids in the 3-10 range.  There is also hopeless-B = incurable; there is those who will never give up and don't know how.

I'm starting to think adoption rings so loudly to us because the world is so broken.  Anna should have been loved, her parents should protected her innocence and childhood instead of tearing it down for their own benefit.  Truly it is a fallen world, we're going to battle it one child at a time.

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